Paper Towel Curls (no heat method)

Hey again guys, so I’ve done something girly…no seriously, I did. I was surfing the Pinterest wave when I stumbled across a really interesting idea I had not heard of before. Now just a little background on my hair, it does not curl unless I braid it wet and then let it out in the morning but even then that’s not ringlets. I have dead straight hair which I find deathly boring, it’s either up or down…there is no in between. So when I saw this method, and realized I had a full roll of paper towels and a water squirting device I got excited. I was still skeptical about it actually working but hey, I’m desperate.

So I tried to follow the instructions on the Pinterest post I found, though they were really vague and I am only one person who cannot see the back of my head so I equipped my mums help. As I sat on the floor in front of my mum, it almost felt like my hair was being yanked from my skull as she twisted my hair over and over on itself until it formed little buds on my scalp, she then tied strips of paper towels around them to hold them in place.

I attempted to sleep on them but I couldn’t physically sleep on my back, my right or left side and was only left with my front which makes my back sore after a while. So I made the decision at about 4am, a good few hours since they had been in, to take them out. Standing in front of my mirror with sleepy eyes I unrolled the buds and unleashed ringlet after ringlet. I then ran my fingers through my hair, forming a few knots that didn’t stand a chance against the hairbrush, and ended up with curls I have NEVER had. It hurt but it was so worth it. (I will add the pictures to my Home Page 🙂 )

L’appel du Vide: Call of the Void

Have you ever experienced an overwhelming urge to jump off of a cliff? Walk into oncoming traffic or hold a knife and wonder how easy it would be to kill the person next to you? If you have, then you’ve experienced the Call of the Void, it is so common that even the french have a word for it. the French call it L’appel du Vide. I experience this urge every so often, most recently while standing next to oncoming traffic I felt the overwhelming urge to step in front of the cars. This is something that makes you question your sanity for sure, you find yourself going “what the hell brain? You’re suppose to keep me alive!”

What is interesting about the Call of the Void is that it is experienced by perfectly sane people who have described this urge as terrifying and heart stopping. It is definitely something that makes you question just why you’re thinking these but it is perfectly normal. Have you ever experienced the Call of the Void? What has it given you the urge to do?

The Case of Mrs Scott

Joanna Smitt Private Investigator, the sign on the frosted glass door read as William approached with the current Newspaper in his hands. The headlines read of a gruesome story about a young girl’s murder and the hunt for her killer. Although he held the paper in his hands he had yet to read the headlines, his only interest lay in the classifieds and that is where he found my office. When he knocked on my door I was just unpacking the last of the boxes from my move a week ago, fresh paint still hung in the air when his knock rattled the door and windows of the small box that was my office. I stepped over boxes and stacks of paper before my hand touched the doorhandle. When I swung open the door before me stood William, a young man with tired eyes and dark bags underneath his almond shaped eyes. His hair was dishevelled and his shirt was untucked.
“Are you the Private Investigator?” he asked with a strained voice.
“That is what it says on the door,” I smiled and moved boxes out of the way, allowing him to safely enter the office.
He took a seat on the black arm chair that sat on the opposite side of my large oak desk, the highlight of my dull office. After shutting the door behind me I carefully made my way back to my desk chair, light from my desk lamp lit up the desk while sunlight streamed through the venetian blinds as the stale summer air continued to circulate the room thanks to the ceiling fan.
“What is your name Sir?” I asked as I pulled my notepad out of the desk.
“William, William Scott…” he sighed and sat uncomfortably in his seat.
“What seems to be the problem Mr Scott?” I was writing his name down in the notepad when his story crossed my desk.
“I think my wife is having an affair, she’s been going out frequently over the last week.”
“This seems to be a common problem, for men and women,” I smiled as I dot pointed the information.
“I’ve not heard from her since yesterday when I left for work, she was not herself that morning…” he had not seemed to hear my snide remark but I began to become intrigued with his story.
“And have you been to the police?”
“They’re dealing with a possible murder, I am just looking for my wife who has been cheating on me,” he admitted, the sound of defeat drenched his voice as he finally looked me in the eye.
“I’ll look into it for you,” I agreed and handed him a form to sign after disclosing the potential and upfront costs. He happily paid and signed his name before thanking me, tipping his hat and leaving my office. He left behind his Newspaper and I was drawn to the headline, of course I had already known about the potential murder case as did everyone in the city but it was a new turn of events, as I read the news story I felt a shiver run up my spine as I read the words “body found in river, evidence links to a serial killer”. I added that to my notepad, at that moment I was not sure why I had written it.

That night, after clearing up my office I started on my first lead towards the Mrs Scott case. I went to Williams’s house where he told me he had last seen her, William lived outside of the city in one of the quiet inner suburbs, it was a humble house with a white picket fence and a path leading from the driveway up to the front porch. I went through the door and was invited inside by William. Everything inside the house screamed of signs of a happy family, there were family portraits strung up everywhere, embroidered blankets and cushions as well as scented candles strewn about on every spare bench space. Oriental rugs from their travels as a couple of twelve years were laid out on the floor in the living room and in the dining room under the table. There was a small TV set in the living room just opposite the couch where Mr Scott sat as I walked through the house. In the kitchen things started to get interesting, everything in the fridge was labelled, even milk. The outside of the fridge looked very much like the rest of the house, it was decorated with magnets from all over the country and To Do Lists and well as photos and important documents including a wedding invitation that was at least a month old. The dishes were still piled in the sink and to my surprise the oven was still on, quickly using a tea-towel I turned off the oven, careful not to distort any evidence. I then ventured upstairs where I would continue my search, so far there was no sign of foul play, just a happy family with a few idiosyncrasies, though I did note to ask Mr Scott about the excessive labelling. When I came to the master bedroom I realised there was only one bed, a single bed shoved up against the wall near the window. An Oriental rug lay on the floor and photos and candles sat on the dresser. Feminine clothing was found in the draws and her perfumes were scattered on the dresser along with her makeup and a hair brush with fresh blonde hair tangled up with the bristles. The rest of the room looked fine, it was the single bed that caused me to write in my notepad. Another point I would question William on. Now, there was only one other room besides the bathroom and William assured me it was empty and no one had been in it since they moved in five years ago. But still I had interest in that room, after finding nothing out of the ordinary in their bathroom I embarked on my search into the supposedly empty room. This is where I found the queen sized bed, more rugs were in this room too only they weren’t on the floor, they were rolled up and kept in the corner. Paintings and photos sat on the floor facing the wall and the light switch wouldn’t work. If anything, in this light it looked like a junk room, I reached for my torch and flicked on the light. As I swept the room with my torch light I noticed a few other interesting things, there were suitcases filled with male clothing stacked three high just beside the door, in the shadows. I made a final note before walking back down stairs to find William still sitting in front of the TV set.

“Can I talk with you a moment Mr Scott?” I asked as I looked over my notes again, high lighting the ones I wanted answers for immediately.
When I told him about my findings he simply hung his head, for a moment I feared that I was standing in front of a wife killer, until he opened his mouth. He admitted that he was not the smartest man and so his wife took it upon herself early on, to unnecessarily label everything in the fridge as his mother had done for him growing up. When I asked about the bedrooms he seemed embarrassed again but told me that it was once again his wife’s request for him to sleep in a separate bed. She no longer wished to share a bed with her husband and so made sure that by having the single bed made it impossible for William to enter her bed while she slept. From what Williams told me of his wife I gathered that she was a very vain woman, she kept up a façade to anyone who was visiting and hid her lies behind the bedroom doors. I felt sorry for the man that stood in front of me as he hung his head, I could tell that he loved his wife by the way he spoke of her. He never blamed her, he merely quoted direction that she had already given him. I reached across the air between us and gently stroked his arm to comfort him.
“I will find your wife William,” I promised and he offered a half-hearted smile.

 

Anxiety and Depression

First off let me just say that this is a very touchy topic but it is a very important one. Too many people are afraid to acknowledge the dark cloud that hovers over others, weighing them down and casting shadows over their lives.

My first experience with Depression was when my life got turned on its head. When my dad left us I found myself spiraling down, so much had happened in so little time. I was going through the transition into High School, dealing with losing and making new friends and maintaining my grades as well as having to watch my family fall apart. Divorce is like dropping a stone into a still river, the ripples go on forever. I was of course one of those ripples, when my dad left it really made me start to question who I was and what it meant to be a child from a broken home. I did blame myself for a while, I hated my dad for a while too but mostly I found myself just sad all the time.

My grades began to slip and I felt myself sinking deeper into myself and soon enough that cloud began to form over my head. It’s a hard thing to bear especially when you have no idea what it is, I didn’t know what depression was because I was never really told anything about it. The first lot of counselling I ever had was after my dad left, but still the woman didn’t teach me about depression and that I was now at risk of becoming depressed. Now, depression doesn’t come alone…he brings his friend anxiety with him. Anxiety is a quiet friend who follows you and your depression cloud around for awhile and you often forget that he’s there until you have to do something you’ve never done before or had a bad experience doing once. That is when anxiety pops in and starts pulling on your arm, begging you to go the other way and to stop what you’re doing.

“What will others think?” he screams.
“What if people laugh at you.”
“What if what you’re saying is wrong.”
and then depression starts backing him up,
“Nobody likes you anyway.” he starts.
And eventually you feel so sick that you do miss words and people do make fun of you and so you go back to your corner with just you, your depression and his buddy anxiety.

After a while depression is no longer a cloud, he has become a shadow and has latched onto you. You are now your depression and your life becomes black, you start looking for ways to silence anxiety who has found his voice and pipes up every time a thought crosses your mind, and depression always backs up his friend.

It was at this point that I made possibly the worst decision in my life. I was sitting alone on my top bunk, crying myself to sleep and thinking about my life. Anxiety and Depression were fueled up at this point, they were bouncing around and really making a song and dance about everything.
“No one will miss you” depression told me.
“Their lives will be easier,” he smiled.
Anxiety took a look at his friend depression and felt uneasy, but said nothing…he just kept swimming around, making me feel sick. It was then that I used the only thing I had to try and take my own life…my hands.

Here I was, fourteen years old with my hands around my throat with depression egging me on. This is the part I am grateful of, it got to the point where I was choking that God showed up. He came to me as a thought, a shining light that silenced depression and anxiety for a few moments.
“Think about your family,” he told me, “think about all the good times and know that I Am here.”
To this day this brings tears to my eyes.
I pulled my hands away, turned my back on anxiety and depression and cried myself to sleep. Anxiety and depression still hung around, but they weren’t as loud after that, I still wasn’t doing any better at school but I managed to keep my head above water. When I got closer to God, depression started to pack his things…he still visits me from time to time but for the most part he’s gone. Anxiety is still attached and he pipes up when I meet new people or am in an unknown place…but thanks to Lukas I am doing a lot more things and forcing Anxiety out of his comfort zone.

Depression tried to make a come back the other day, he tried putting ideas in my head that my life was over and that I had nothing more to accomplish but I am proving him wrong by making this post. I am beating depression and anxiety, one day at a time. I just want to say this to all those out there who are at the point I was or who feel themselves getting there I just want you to know that it does get better…I know that it sounds cliche but it really does get better. Just look up, smile and hold your head high. Depression and Anxiety have no power when you stop listening to them.

Keep smiling 🙂

Confession Time!

I have a confession to make…one that I am not very proud of.

I am addicted to Pinterest…but I neglect it so much. The amount of times I’ve made new board and filled them with unrelated pins is appalling and it must stop. So as of today I make this pledge…as should all of you who suffer from this problem.

I pledge to always update my pins, to maintain my boards and to not pin excessively. I promise to always respect the pin and to not go to far with my pinning and end up planning 9 weddings and my own funeral. I pledge to, from this day forth, become a more respectful Pinterest user and to Pin wisely.

Remember folks…with great Pin power comes great Pin responsibility.

(Follow me and see what I pin 🙂 @ https://www.pinterest.com/ashleighwarhurs/ )

Cya!

Hello World

So this is my first time using WordPress.com, it was actually suggested to me by a man called Robert who also uses this site under the URL roberlain.wordpress.com. I have used other sites to share my stories but I wanted to try this one out and so far am loving the fresh look of it and the total customization options. I will be using this site to share my opinions, my stories and ultimately my life.

But before I do, I’d like you to get to know me a bit better. It would be weird if you just started reading about someones life without first at least hearing their name.

Hello WordPressers,

My name is Ashleigh Elaine and I have been alive for approximately 18 years, proof of this can be found in my Birth Certificate. I was born on the 19th of February 1997 (18 years ago!) into a loving family and an older sister. (JK, she’s lovely.) So apparently upon birth I came out screaming before I could even make sound, which is pretty cool…go baby me!
A year after that, and the years that followed, I became an absolute terror of a child. I would throw things, break my cot and torture my poor poor sister. I like to think I’ve changed since then but I still have a temper.

When I was 14 however, my life began to change and my happy family began to fall apart. First to leave was my dad, he took himself away from our house to find himself and to find a new life for himself. Fourteen year old me took this pretty hard, as I am sure anyone would, but as I am a quiet person I internalized a lot of it which is so not healthy. This lead to anxiety, depression, late night internet fiascoes, terrible choices and even led me to think about ending everything (but that is a story for later and a lesson to be learnt.)

When I was 15 I fell in love with someone I had never met before, he was a few years older then me and lived in England. I won’t disclose his name, so lets call him Mr M. So Mr M and I started out as friends as he had another girlfriend and I was still talking to various other people, doing things I regret. But desperate to be gratified by someone I sunk deeper into my depression and finally ended up dating Mr M. We were both broken people, neither had any idea what we were doing but I was elated, I finally had a boyfriend! Little did I know the consequences.

I was with Mr M for two years and spent that time feeling sorry for myself, dealing with family issues as well as personal issues and personal health. I began to stop eating, sleeping and going to school. My grades slipped and I started to pull my hair out. I put off all my goals of going to University and spent all my time planning on going over to England. Well, on December 2013 I met another guy who was merely a friend but I was able to talk with him and we spoke about God. Now I already knew of God as I grew up in the church and went to Sunday school and had given my life to God, but up until 2013 it had been my families religion and something I had inherited rather than chosen. I still prayed and had encounters with God throughout 2013 but December is when everything started to accumulate.

When I started spending more time talking to this guy, (lets call him Mr J) Mr M started to get jealous and accused me of cheating. Which I guess, emotionally, I probably was. And not to make any excuses for my own actions but Mr M wasn’t exactly emotionally invested. This led to numerous fights between us and me ending it multiple times until eventually caving and getting back with him. March 2014 is when this all ended, it was the first step that got me to today.

I finally got rid of Mr M and started to find my own way with God and invested more into my studies even though it was already too late by this point. I had no idea what I wanted to be and I was incredibly anxious (which I still am.) August 2014 I met Lukas, my best friend and my boyfriend of 1 year and 5 months. We met through my sister and became friends, we chatted about our shared love for God and I told him about my past. And on the 14th of June, 2014 at almost midnight he asked me over Facebook to be his girlfriend and I said yes.

17 months later I am here and I do not regret a thing because at the time it was exactly what I wanted. But I am still picking up the pieces I had lost in the 2 years I spent with Mr M and I still have no idea what I want to do. All I know is that I love writing and I hope to one day have lots of kids, a husband and maybe a best seller or two…who knows. 🙂

I know this was pretty long but I hope you guys enjoyed it, I enjoyed writing it and it really helped me tonight to write this and get it all out. I’ll try to keep sharing my life with you all, as well as my opinions and maybe….just maybe, I’ll treat you with some of my stories.