Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everybody and welcome to 2016. This year is going to be very different for me as I have chosen my New Years resolutions that hopefully I will stick to this time.

1 – Get a job and money
2- Start saving
3 – Start paying rent
4- Get my drivers license

Now, I am pretty sure those are similar to last years but I am really looking forward to this year. For one, I turn 19 and for two, it will be my second year spent with my lovely fiance Lukas. I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and your New Years celebrations. Let me know some of your resolutions, sorry this is just a short blog but I’ll be coming at you with heaps more this year. I hope you all have enjoyed me so far this year, if there is anyone out there 🙂

Welcome to 2016 and thank you for reading 🙂

‘Tis the Season!

Deck the halls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Merry Christmas from down under.

It is currently 12:36 a.m on the 24th of December 2015 in Australia and I have yet to buy all my presents. Which means it’s a mad dash in at the shops to buy my boyfriend a present, and I still need to wrap my mums up. I use to just put my name on the card to people my mum had bought presents for so I never really had to worry about it before so maybe Christmas has always been like this, but I say it shouldn’t. If you are spending December worrying about what to get people then don’t get anything, save your money and just give them your time. We live in a society where nobody has any time, we are so busy lately, so this Christmas why don’t we just put away our devices and set aside time to spend with those we love.
Now, people in Australia will know this, but Christmas is not a white Christmas where I’m from. There is no snow, no fire place and no hot chocolate and warm blankets. There are fans and air-conditioners cranked up to their maximum setting, cold water with ice blocks and cold meat and salads with seafood. There is no Christmas ham for lunch, instead there are platters of seafood and barbecues in the shade. For as long as I can remember, Christmas has always been 30 degrees C or higher. Luckily this year Christmas should be 27 degrees C, but that’s no where near snowing.
As a Christian, Christmas becomes a time of not just family and gift giving, but it also becomes a time of celebration and praise. Although our Christ wasn’t born on the 25th of December, we still mark it as a time to celebrate and sing praises. There has been a lot of controversy in my country recently pertaining to Christmas and Christmas carols. In the news recently I read that one of the Members of Parliament on the Eastern side of Australia was talking about removing Christmas Carols that mention God or Jesus. Apparently, in a multicultural country where we are suppose to be respecting all beliefs, our government wants to get rid of Christian Christmas carols but will allow people of other faiths to not have to participate in the Australian anthem.

Anyway, in the Spirit of Christmas, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a spectacular New Year.

Review: Heaven by Virginia Andrews

Heaven, the first book in the Casteel family series written by Virginia Andrews was published in 1985 before the death of Virginia Andrews, who fell victim to Breast Cancer in 1986. Heaven is the second novel series written by Virginia Andrews and follows the life of Heaven Leigh Casteel, a young girl who is raised in the Willies by a poor family in a dilapidated shack. Her father Luke Casteel is a handsome, yet abusive man and her step-mother Sarah is a harsh woman driven mad and hateful by her husbands neglect and abuse. Sarah soon leaves her young children to fend for themselves after the birth of her stillborn child and her mother in law Annie. Heaven is then left in charge of her four younger siblings and her ageing grandfather. Luke Casteel continues to dart in and out in the story, leaving to chase women and dangerous jobs, returning only to bring food just in time before his children starved to death.
Heaven Leigh Casteel manages to find love in this dark, twisted story but is soon faced with losing her brothers and sisters as one by one they are sold by Luke Casteel to those in need of children, or slaves. Heaven is soon sold to a new family and things begin to look up for her, but she soon finds that the wealthy life she is sold into is no better then her life in the Willies. After a series of tragic and page turning events, Heaven finds herself in the Boston airport, seeking out her biological grandparents and a better life.

I was filled with reservation towards Heaven, unsure if I could go from the Dollenganger series and into the Casteel series. I started reading Flowers in the Attic when I was about fifteen and from there I finished Petals on the Wind and got half way through If There Be Thorns, a painful book to read which is unfortunate considering my love for her other books. When I was presented with Heaven I was unsure, after indulging in the Dollenganger family series it can be hard to transition into another family. Despite my reservations I turned the cover page and began to enter into the world of Heaven. Throughout reading this book I found myself intrigued by her world and I truly felt like what happened to Heaven Leigh Casteel was indeed happening to me. As a result I found myself hating who she hated, loving who she loved and crying when she cried. Virgnia Andrews descriptive writing is truly captivating and really brings your into her books and surround you with all the feelings and emotions felt by the protagonist. If you’re looking for an investment, more then just entertainment, then I strongly suggest you get your hands on Heaven, it is so far, one of my favourite books by Virginia Andrews, may she Rest In Peace.

Silent Pain

Dark skies, black clouds
Hanging over my head
Starry night, midnight fights
Screaming, crying, slamming doors
Is this what love is for?

Imprisoned by darkness,
Trapped inside myself
I keep screaming but no one can hear
Silence, deafening silence
The walls are closing in,
It is getting harder to breath
Help me, help me!

Light in darkness, darkness hides
Shadows lurk, midnight hurts
Lonely feelings, sinking deeper
Inside my mind it hurts

Cast your shadows, hide in the dark
Seek no help, no lives lost
No lives but one, but no one cares
A little line, a bit of blood
Scars tell stories of strength that lost
Handful of pills, stomach cramps
Sleep till morning, they’ll find me dead.

(so this is my first ever proper poem. Sorry it’s a bit dark, literally the first things that came to my mind…maybe I should get help)

I’m a broken girl!

This has something that has tormented me for a while. But after watching Lisa Schwarts (Lisbug) on YouTube and viewing her Two Broken Girls videos and her Trying Girly Products videos I have realised how terrible I am at being a girl. I’m not a very skilled person, I wouldn’t even say I’m doing a good job with this blog but I do not do well at being a girl. Of course, I’d hate to be a boy so I gotta deal with what I have but Society’s perception of women has made it difficult to be a woman and women (I hate to say it) are the ones perpetuating the stereotypes that girls like me struggle with. Who’s the one writing Cosmo or Women’s Weekly? And who are the ones buying them?

My first fail at being a girl is of course how I dress. Since being with someone I’ve liked to dress up more in dresses but before now I have never been one to wear dresses and I hate the colour pink. I wouldn’t say I’m terrible at my makeup but I don’t own much and rarely use it all, if any. I’m not one for fashion magazines or reality TV shows. I much prefer horror or mystery books and the News. I don’t play with my hair much (despite changing its colour) and I wouldn’t know the first thing to do with it. I love cars and am learning more and more about engines and how they run, I don’t file my nails endlessly and I don’t spend my time painting them. I’m not saying all women do, but that’s the stereotype. I am not a girly girl.

After looking over all these facts and questioning my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am happy not conforming to the stereotypes put on me by women’s magazines and ultimately by women. I am happy reading my books, watching News and learning about cars. I’ll be happy in my big car (when I can drive) and I am happy in the body God gave me. I don’t need to know all the skills about make up, fashion and hair and neither do you. Just because you don’t like it or can’t figure it out doesn’t mean you’re a bad girl or not a girl at all. It just means you are exactly as God made you.

Sincerely,

A broken girl.

Paper Towel Curls (no heat method)

Hey again guys, so I’ve done something girly…no seriously, I did. I was surfing the Pinterest wave when I stumbled across a really interesting idea I had not heard of before. Now just a little background on my hair, it does not curl unless I braid it wet and then let it out in the morning but even then that’s not ringlets. I have dead straight hair which I find deathly boring, it’s either up or down…there is no in between. So when I saw this method, and realized I had a full roll of paper towels and a water squirting device I got excited. I was still skeptical about it actually working but hey, I’m desperate.

So I tried to follow the instructions on the Pinterest post I found, though they were really vague and I am only one person who cannot see the back of my head so I equipped my mums help. As I sat on the floor in front of my mum, it almost felt like my hair was being yanked from my skull as she twisted my hair over and over on itself until it formed little buds on my scalp, she then tied strips of paper towels around them to hold them in place.

I attempted to sleep on them but I couldn’t physically sleep on my back, my right or left side and was only left with my front which makes my back sore after a while. So I made the decision at about 4am, a good few hours since they had been in, to take them out. Standing in front of my mirror with sleepy eyes I unrolled the buds and unleashed ringlet after ringlet. I then ran my fingers through my hair, forming a few knots that didn’t stand a chance against the hairbrush, and ended up with curls I have NEVER had. It hurt but it was so worth it. (I will add the pictures to my Home Page 🙂 )

L’appel du Vide: Call of the Void

Have you ever experienced an overwhelming urge to jump off of a cliff? Walk into oncoming traffic or hold a knife and wonder how easy it would be to kill the person next to you? If you have, then you’ve experienced the Call of the Void, it is so common that even the french have a word for it. the French call it L’appel du Vide. I experience this urge every so often, most recently while standing next to oncoming traffic I felt the overwhelming urge to step in front of the cars. This is something that makes you question your sanity for sure, you find yourself going “what the hell brain? You’re suppose to keep me alive!”

What is interesting about the Call of the Void is that it is experienced by perfectly sane people who have described this urge as terrifying and heart stopping. It is definitely something that makes you question just why you’re thinking these but it is perfectly normal. Have you ever experienced the Call of the Void? What has it given you the urge to do?

The Case of Mrs Scott

Joanna Smitt Private Investigator, the sign on the frosted glass door read as William approached with the current Newspaper in his hands. The headlines read of a gruesome story about a young girl’s murder and the hunt for her killer. Although he held the paper in his hands he had yet to read the headlines, his only interest lay in the classifieds and that is where he found my office. When he knocked on my door I was just unpacking the last of the boxes from my move a week ago, fresh paint still hung in the air when his knock rattled the door and windows of the small box that was my office. I stepped over boxes and stacks of paper before my hand touched the doorhandle. When I swung open the door before me stood William, a young man with tired eyes and dark bags underneath his almond shaped eyes. His hair was dishevelled and his shirt was untucked.
“Are you the Private Investigator?” he asked with a strained voice.
“That is what it says on the door,” I smiled and moved boxes out of the way, allowing him to safely enter the office.
He took a seat on the black arm chair that sat on the opposite side of my large oak desk, the highlight of my dull office. After shutting the door behind me I carefully made my way back to my desk chair, light from my desk lamp lit up the desk while sunlight streamed through the venetian blinds as the stale summer air continued to circulate the room thanks to the ceiling fan.
“What is your name Sir?” I asked as I pulled my notepad out of the desk.
“William, William Scott…” he sighed and sat uncomfortably in his seat.
“What seems to be the problem Mr Scott?” I was writing his name down in the notepad when his story crossed my desk.
“I think my wife is having an affair, she’s been going out frequently over the last week.”
“This seems to be a common problem, for men and women,” I smiled as I dot pointed the information.
“I’ve not heard from her since yesterday when I left for work, she was not herself that morning…” he had not seemed to hear my snide remark but I began to become intrigued with his story.
“And have you been to the police?”
“They’re dealing with a possible murder, I am just looking for my wife who has been cheating on me,” he admitted, the sound of defeat drenched his voice as he finally looked me in the eye.
“I’ll look into it for you,” I agreed and handed him a form to sign after disclosing the potential and upfront costs. He happily paid and signed his name before thanking me, tipping his hat and leaving my office. He left behind his Newspaper and I was drawn to the headline, of course I had already known about the potential murder case as did everyone in the city but it was a new turn of events, as I read the news story I felt a shiver run up my spine as I read the words “body found in river, evidence links to a serial killer”. I added that to my notepad, at that moment I was not sure why I had written it.

That night, after clearing up my office I started on my first lead towards the Mrs Scott case. I went to Williams’s house where he told me he had last seen her, William lived outside of the city in one of the quiet inner suburbs, it was a humble house with a white picket fence and a path leading from the driveway up to the front porch. I went through the door and was invited inside by William. Everything inside the house screamed of signs of a happy family, there were family portraits strung up everywhere, embroidered blankets and cushions as well as scented candles strewn about on every spare bench space. Oriental rugs from their travels as a couple of twelve years were laid out on the floor in the living room and in the dining room under the table. There was a small TV set in the living room just opposite the couch where Mr Scott sat as I walked through the house. In the kitchen things started to get interesting, everything in the fridge was labelled, even milk. The outside of the fridge looked very much like the rest of the house, it was decorated with magnets from all over the country and To Do Lists and well as photos and important documents including a wedding invitation that was at least a month old. The dishes were still piled in the sink and to my surprise the oven was still on, quickly using a tea-towel I turned off the oven, careful not to distort any evidence. I then ventured upstairs where I would continue my search, so far there was no sign of foul play, just a happy family with a few idiosyncrasies, though I did note to ask Mr Scott about the excessive labelling. When I came to the master bedroom I realised there was only one bed, a single bed shoved up against the wall near the window. An Oriental rug lay on the floor and photos and candles sat on the dresser. Feminine clothing was found in the draws and her perfumes were scattered on the dresser along with her makeup and a hair brush with fresh blonde hair tangled up with the bristles. The rest of the room looked fine, it was the single bed that caused me to write in my notepad. Another point I would question William on. Now, there was only one other room besides the bathroom and William assured me it was empty and no one had been in it since they moved in five years ago. But still I had interest in that room, after finding nothing out of the ordinary in their bathroom I embarked on my search into the supposedly empty room. This is where I found the queen sized bed, more rugs were in this room too only they weren’t on the floor, they were rolled up and kept in the corner. Paintings and photos sat on the floor facing the wall and the light switch wouldn’t work. If anything, in this light it looked like a junk room, I reached for my torch and flicked on the light. As I swept the room with my torch light I noticed a few other interesting things, there were suitcases filled with male clothing stacked three high just beside the door, in the shadows. I made a final note before walking back down stairs to find William still sitting in front of the TV set.

“Can I talk with you a moment Mr Scott?” I asked as I looked over my notes again, high lighting the ones I wanted answers for immediately.
When I told him about my findings he simply hung his head, for a moment I feared that I was standing in front of a wife killer, until he opened his mouth. He admitted that he was not the smartest man and so his wife took it upon herself early on, to unnecessarily label everything in the fridge as his mother had done for him growing up. When I asked about the bedrooms he seemed embarrassed again but told me that it was once again his wife’s request for him to sleep in a separate bed. She no longer wished to share a bed with her husband and so made sure that by having the single bed made it impossible for William to enter her bed while she slept. From what Williams told me of his wife I gathered that she was a very vain woman, she kept up a façade to anyone who was visiting and hid her lies behind the bedroom doors. I felt sorry for the man that stood in front of me as he hung his head, I could tell that he loved his wife by the way he spoke of her. He never blamed her, he merely quoted direction that she had already given him. I reached across the air between us and gently stroked his arm to comfort him.
“I will find your wife William,” I promised and he offered a half-hearted smile.